Mar. 20th, 2013

rainspirit: (damiel)
You know. I wouldn't mind so much having another roommate or two if they weren't men. Or in this case, boys.

I like women. Hell, I have this deep, Yeats-like, unrequited love for them, but that sort of affection isn't relevant to this kind of conversation. I like women and I respect women, and I make an effort to make myself agreeable to them. And I think for the most part, I'm one of the few men in the world that isn't waging a battle against the opposite sex.

Maybe it's terribly naive to think I could pull it off, but living with another woman, not necessarily my girlfriend but just another person? Might not be so bad. It'd mean less slovenlyness on my part, most likely. I wouldn't wander the house in my boxer shorts. I'd look presentable if only to give credit to my upbringing. It'd be nice to have an excuse to take better care of myself, and my appearance.

My beard's growing to the point of unruliness and it's getting in the way of things again. Gotta trim it down. Hell, I'll need to shave it off for this part, except you know what, maybe not. For reasons. But I know he occasionally reads this blog, I don't need to jeopardize the friendship anymore than I have. I've already been a shithead to him.

I talked with a counselor today, and I went swimming. Today should be a success. Why am I so depressed, then?

I'm trying to sleep early. Tried. Because I can't think of anything else to do but continue to avoid pain in my usual way. Pain and stubbornness.

There's something I'm looking forward to in the morning, but it's in the morning. So I'll miss it. Might as well not disappoint myself and stress myself trying to make it on the goddamn fucking asshole buses that rule my life at the moment, right?


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