(no subject)

I am awake. It is early. I have had breakfast. I have had tea.

I dwell in a temporary paradise, abusing my body through inertia. I am happy, though I know I am unfulfilled in some respects.

I have a list of things to do. I resolve to do at least three things on this list, then I will let myself fall back into the void.

Because if I do not, then there will be guilt. I will be unhappy. I want to stop making myself feel bad about doing the things I enjoy.

But if I complete three things on this task list, including going to class, then today won't be a wash. I will have gone a day without feeling like I am doing nothing here.

And then once the list is complete, I can make a new one. And keep doing three things, every day.

I do not know if this is the road to getting better, but at least it is a road leading somewhere.

I do not know what my best is anymore, but at least I have support, love, and the ability to get somewhere.

I am fortunate. I am here, and I will do what I can.