![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Here, I Begin Again
Jan. 16th, 2012 07:09 amFirst entry of the year, half a month after the fact.
I have some of my music back. But not enough. I'm pretty sure that's been affecting my writing output. Even now, I struggle to focus on some feeling or another, squinting at the screen at nearly seven in the morning, an hour before school.
I'm a little sleep-deprived, but not too bad. Spent an extra hour pouring over Alison Bechdel's Fun Home. Great, haunting stuff in it, though I wonder if it goes a bit too long, and the final two chapters a bit too indulgent and spread out. I feel like I'd have to read it again to be sure, but I also wonder if I should share it among other teammates.
I have to get down to figuring out what the hell we're going to be talking about, with her. Why is she so noteworthy? How did one comic centred around a histrionic, anal-retentive lesbian with a political activist bent turn into such a thing starting from roughly twenty-five years back?
Feels like it should be self-evident, but too fucking tired. Wonder if I can get to school and get some heady expresso of some kind. I don't like coffee very much - it doesn't make me less tired, but on a good day it sometimes pins my eyes open, moving my body against its will. Sparing me time enough before I must crash, and sometimes burn.
What's for breakfast, then? Eggs and toast? Grapefruit? Something else? My breakfast is starting to become formulaic - the only change is the granola I bought, the expensive but wonderful stuff from the nearby health food store. I really shouldn't indulge, but it's better than cereal, right? And I'm going slow with it, making it last. It's not fruit loops or some hideous children's indulgence. It's not hurting that much.
Trying to fix my regular diet, I try to figure out what I can get away with. What's not too bad for me.
I am losing weight, surprisingly. I noticed it for the first time, in the mirror. Body's getting thinner. Less round. Something I can appreciate a little more, even if I find myself going to seed in some other areas. Still need a haircut and shave.
It's far, far too easy to lose myself in other worlds, falling back into old habits where I am a desired commodity, where my own self is shelved away for creatures whose collective presence grows and wanes within me. I am ashamed to admit that it spreads outside, colouring my perception, occupying my brain's time with imagined scenarios, with a tasklist of objectives. It is too easy to fall back into rote - but at least I know what the problem is, and how to overcome it.
I have far too much on the agenda, and far too much time is squandered as it is. I have to keep writing things down. I have to, I have to, I have to.
Time to go.
I have some of my music back. But not enough. I'm pretty sure that's been affecting my writing output. Even now, I struggle to focus on some feeling or another, squinting at the screen at nearly seven in the morning, an hour before school.
I'm a little sleep-deprived, but not too bad. Spent an extra hour pouring over Alison Bechdel's Fun Home. Great, haunting stuff in it, though I wonder if it goes a bit too long, and the final two chapters a bit too indulgent and spread out. I feel like I'd have to read it again to be sure, but I also wonder if I should share it among other teammates.
I have to get down to figuring out what the hell we're going to be talking about, with her. Why is she so noteworthy? How did one comic centred around a histrionic, anal-retentive lesbian with a political activist bent turn into such a thing starting from roughly twenty-five years back?
Feels like it should be self-evident, but too fucking tired. Wonder if I can get to school and get some heady expresso of some kind. I don't like coffee very much - it doesn't make me less tired, but on a good day it sometimes pins my eyes open, moving my body against its will. Sparing me time enough before I must crash, and sometimes burn.
What's for breakfast, then? Eggs and toast? Grapefruit? Something else? My breakfast is starting to become formulaic - the only change is the granola I bought, the expensive but wonderful stuff from the nearby health food store. I really shouldn't indulge, but it's better than cereal, right? And I'm going slow with it, making it last. It's not fruit loops or some hideous children's indulgence. It's not hurting that much.
Trying to fix my regular diet, I try to figure out what I can get away with. What's not too bad for me.
I am losing weight, surprisingly. I noticed it for the first time, in the mirror. Body's getting thinner. Less round. Something I can appreciate a little more, even if I find myself going to seed in some other areas. Still need a haircut and shave.
It's far, far too easy to lose myself in other worlds, falling back into old habits where I am a desired commodity, where my own self is shelved away for creatures whose collective presence grows and wanes within me. I am ashamed to admit that it spreads outside, colouring my perception, occupying my brain's time with imagined scenarios, with a tasklist of objectives. It is too easy to fall back into rote - but at least I know what the problem is, and how to overcome it.
I have far too much on the agenda, and far too much time is squandered as it is. I have to keep writing things down. I have to, I have to, I have to.
Time to go.
