Shot From Truth and Love, not Darkness
Jul. 24th, 2011 10:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainspiritCan't sleep. Wish I could.
Think I heard the interns loading in the garbage and recycling for tomorrow's monday run. Good. Phew. One less thing to worry about.
Getting up in seven and a half hours. Shit.
Think I rested a little, but not enough. Monday's got the relief cook though, and he usually lets me off easy. Maybe I can catch a few hours during the afternoon…
Reading Arthur C. Clarke's 2001: A Space Odyssey. Amazing book. Highlights the barbaric origins of humanity and then encompasses them into a grander scale. He does a wonderful job of mixing evolutionary science and compassion together in one epic story.
I'm not worthless. I'm not useless. And I'll keep reminding myself that for as long as I can. Long enough to keep going, I hope.
Even with the raise, they probably don't pay me enough. But I think that karma will count towards something better. I think in time, the good will I create will benefit me towards other ends. I just have to trust in my purpose, and my goals.
Have to add a class tomorrow, something I missed. Hope I don't need to be waitlisted. Should have done it days ago.
This tent feels like a ship in orbit. I can hear the broadcasts outside my tent, but they are meaningless. If I concentrate, I can float away from all this, let this dome of water-proof fabric shield me from their chattering voices, their hysterical laughter. I can imagine myself going away from them, and resting. For as long as I need to.
Angels, please give me strength for tomorrow and the following days. Give me strength for that one phone call, the conviction to stand up for myself. Let this week be a good week. Please let me know that I am still loved, and needed.
Think I heard the interns loading in the garbage and recycling for tomorrow's monday run. Good. Phew. One less thing to worry about.
Getting up in seven and a half hours. Shit.
Think I rested a little, but not enough. Monday's got the relief cook though, and he usually lets me off easy. Maybe I can catch a few hours during the afternoon…
Reading Arthur C. Clarke's 2001: A Space Odyssey. Amazing book. Highlights the barbaric origins of humanity and then encompasses them into a grander scale. He does a wonderful job of mixing evolutionary science and compassion together in one epic story.
I'm not worthless. I'm not useless. And I'll keep reminding myself that for as long as I can. Long enough to keep going, I hope.
Even with the raise, they probably don't pay me enough. But I think that karma will count towards something better. I think in time, the good will I create will benefit me towards other ends. I just have to trust in my purpose, and my goals.
Have to add a class tomorrow, something I missed. Hope I don't need to be waitlisted. Should have done it days ago.
This tent feels like a ship in orbit. I can hear the broadcasts outside my tent, but they are meaningless. If I concentrate, I can float away from all this, let this dome of water-proof fabric shield me from their chattering voices, their hysterical laughter. I can imagine myself going away from them, and resting. For as long as I need to.
Angels, please give me strength for tomorrow and the following days. Give me strength for that one phone call, the conviction to stand up for myself. Let this week be a good week. Please let me know that I am still loved, and needed.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-25 07:30 am (UTC)Love, Dad
hope today's better...
Date: 2011-07-25 04:24 pm (UTC)