I Brought My Own Tea

[rainspirit]

Running out of time.

Time to have a good night's rest with.

Time to research books and articles for the essay.

Time to make something of my life.

Time, for with to gamble and make mistakes with.

Every breath is one I'll never breath again; every day is one I'll never get back. Every day of the supposed "best" years of my life is ticking down, tick, tick, tick, and what am I doing with it?

I'm overweight, I'm out of shape, I'm mentally hampered by computer addictions and self-esteem issues. I have few friends I can truly rely on and no one I can spiritually relate to other than my parents. I have no driving goals to write the things I want to write, only the barest shreds of ideas I entertain from time to time. I dream of greatness, yet I inevitably drift to the same distractions, the same traps over and over.

My resolutions are up in smoke, and I am left with nothing. What do I make of this? How can I get that spirit back in me, to succeed?

Tomorrow I will have this turned off and deprive myself of it till 8:00 PM, wherein I'll only allow myself two hours. ("Two hours? No, wait! Two and a half hours! That'll be enough! Not just two hours! Please! Don't do this!") After that, I think about sleep. Or homework. Or something.

Today I went out to someone's place, only to feel uncomfortable and grumpy and hungry. In retrospect a bad move, though I would have wondered and felt depressed if I hadn't have gone. But I could have left sooner, got home sooner.

Home. Is this home?

I'm tired and depressed. I need to sleep.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I hope you got a decent sleep amnd some resolve to start picking off a few things from your list. Try an easy thing first and go on from there. Let me know when you get to exercise (and Mike), because you know that is the beginning of real improvement to energy, sleep, weight, self esteem. 2 months and you would be a changed un-depressed person.
Anyway,- one step at a time,- small steps getting bigger. You've done it before, you can do it again.

I am beginning a new resolve to get down to 185 lbs for my 68th birthday- lose 11lbs in 2.5 months. Join me in the challenge and we can compare notes.

Love you, Dad

[rainspirit]

Thanks, Dad. Gonna see if I can call Mike tomororw.

essays and such...

[(Anonymous)]

hey peeto,

let me know if you need an uber-academic feminist intervention for that essay of yours! Cause I'm soooooo good at uber-academic feminist interventions. In fact, it seems to be my current specialty.

Also, we all make great, sweeping, idyllic plans for how we are going to grab life by the balls, and then proceed to let it all slide. I found that the biggest thing I learned in University was how long I could let it slide for, how much procrastinating I was actually allowed, and I seem to have perfected it into a fine science (as has our dad....right dad?). Anyway, long story short, give yourself a break, would you?!

Big hugs!!
j

Re: essays and such...

[rainspirit]

Thanks, Jess. I might call on you soon !

what's getting you down is...

[(Anonymous)]

...you've just lost the momentum, and adrenaline, that the nightly play was giving you. I remember going into a HUGE slump when I stopped being a fairy in Iolanthe. It's the energy, and the lure of the spotlights; the work is exhausting, and you can't wait for it to end so you can back to your life...but when you do, you discover you "have no life." Actually you do, it's waiting for you, but you have to start generating the adrenaline again yourself. Give yourself a week, and keep your emotions in check. All will be well. Love ya, mom...

(PS want you here for the E. May event Sunday. Will figure out the bed logistics.)

Re: what's getting you down is...

[rainspirit]

/nods

I totally agree.

Thanks, Mom.