I Brought My Own Tea
Feb. 2nd, 2011 02:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rainspiritRunning out of time.
Time to have a good night's rest with.
Time to research books and articles for the essay.
Time to make something of my life.
Time, for with to gamble and make mistakes with.
Every breath is one I'll never breath again; every day is one I'll never get back. Every day of the supposed "best" years of my life is ticking down, tick, tick, tick, and what am I doing with it?
I'm overweight, I'm out of shape, I'm mentally hampered by computer addictions and self-esteem issues. I have few friends I can truly rely on and no one I can spiritually relate to other than my parents. I have no driving goals to write the things I want to write, only the barest shreds of ideas I entertain from time to time. I dream of greatness, yet I inevitably drift to the same distractions, the same traps over and over.
My resolutions are up in smoke, and I am left with nothing. What do I make of this? How can I get that spirit back in me, to succeed?
Tomorrow I will have this turned off and deprive myself of it till 8:00 PM, wherein I'll only allow myself two hours. ("Two hours? No, wait! Two and a half hours! That'll be enough! Not just two hours! Please! Don't do this!") After that, I think about sleep. Or homework. Or something.
Today I went out to someone's place, only to feel uncomfortable and grumpy and hungry. In retrospect a bad move, though I would have wondered and felt depressed if I hadn't have gone. But I could have left sooner, got home sooner.
Home. Is this home?
I'm tired and depressed. I need to sleep.
Time to have a good night's rest with.
Time to research books and articles for the essay.
Time to make something of my life.
Time, for with to gamble and make mistakes with.
Every breath is one I'll never breath again; every day is one I'll never get back. Every day of the supposed "best" years of my life is ticking down, tick, tick, tick, and what am I doing with it?
I'm overweight, I'm out of shape, I'm mentally hampered by computer addictions and self-esteem issues. I have few friends I can truly rely on and no one I can spiritually relate to other than my parents. I have no driving goals to write the things I want to write, only the barest shreds of ideas I entertain from time to time. I dream of greatness, yet I inevitably drift to the same distractions, the same traps over and over.
My resolutions are up in smoke, and I am left with nothing. What do I make of this? How can I get that spirit back in me, to succeed?
Tomorrow I will have this turned off and deprive myself of it till 8:00 PM, wherein I'll only allow myself two hours. ("Two hours? No, wait! Two and a half hours! That'll be enough! Not just two hours! Please! Don't do this!") After that, I think about sleep. Or homework. Or something.
Today I went out to someone's place, only to feel uncomfortable and grumpy and hungry. In retrospect a bad move, though I would have wondered and felt depressed if I hadn't have gone. But I could have left sooner, got home sooner.
Home. Is this home?
I'm tired and depressed. I need to sleep.
what's getting you down is...
Date: 2011-02-02 11:09 pm (UTC)(PS want you here for the E. May event Sunday. Will figure out the bed logistics.)
Re: what's getting you down is...
Date: 2011-02-06 10:28 am (UTC)I totally agree.
Thanks, Mom.